Jamii Telecommunications’ Faiba must be the most opportunistic company in the corporate world.

They get how 15 second of fame works. They are the instantaneous reaction to every event in this country. I bet they are not favorites among their peers in the corporate arena.

I think Safaricom sits hurdled at some table at corporate shindig and goes “look at that lot of pompous pricks. So entitled walking around like they know everything advertising.”

This starts a vile and venomous contribution round the table.

Guy 1: Yeah. After we’ve done some killer adverts, what is so special about their perforated characters? This guy gets to be ahead of number one because he is basking in his own sun, killer is relative, son)

Guy 2: And this faiba craze, so annoying. (bitter Betty)

Guy 3: I wish that Mbugua guy would just drop and die of his weight already!(lightening will strike this one)

A similar conversation with a bit more bile is ongoing at the Crown Paints table (that is some cool advertising team these guys have, Mbugua is just hotter) and a number of other tables. In my mind, when Jamii Telecommunications, otherwise known as the Faiba guys are around, every other corporate body is maudlin and just bothered. Faiba is a force. They have mastered the art of capturing our attention, stirring an interest; sparking a desire and having us take action. We have faiba for everything. Just a quick one, does our like for Mbugua make us a nation with a fetish for huge men with nonexistent necks? Sure hope not.

So the KCSE results were announced yesterday.

We all saw the usual pomp around good result. Hint Kenya media, what happens to the average league? Let’s just work with the pretence that nobody fails here. The 50% guys deserve some coverage no? How about it. We didn’t even swallow before faiba took over. Almost immediately after they were at it. It’s like Mbugua had been waiting for his hulk of a son to bulldoze the exams so he can brag.

You must have seen the new ad doing rounds on the internet. It’s just hilarious. Mbugua is his usual self. His drumstick hands. His entrepreneurial skills perforating his belly, his waist representing and that accent. Its just so authentic. This time he is not running a million businesses single handedly. That mutura, butchery, cyber café, garage hata mortuary. He is celebrating stellar performance. His dumb son, I’m assuming since his lips are like 90% of his face. Or maybe he has that horrendous cold? Perhaps that’s faiba’s way of telling us he is mouthy. Anything goes with these guys.

All I’m saying is, Jamii Telecommunications understand that if your product is going to enjoy relevance at all, delivery is everything. We all know Mbugua’s son is smart and even though all the candidates did not get As, I’m sure all of them will laugh at this ball of a man. Congratulations to those who made the paper, if you didn’t, you were more than the pages can take. It’s never that serious.

Be optimistic, trust in your best and most importantly, move on from these results. Think about the next move, whatever it is. College would be really cool. If you must know, we didn’t all make the paper when we sat for our KCSE.We did good, as did You. You are going to have a good Friday nonetheless aren’t you? And that’s the spirit.

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